


Of Frosted fingers and anxious musings

by The_lovely_noodles



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: But otherwise, Cuban Lance (Voltron), Galaxy Garrison, Gen, Hispanic Lance (Voltron), Hurt Lance, Hypothermia, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance Needs a Hug, Lance and friends get every award ever for saving the world, Lance being at the end of his rope for being called dumb could be canon compliant, Lance is a good uncle, Lance speaks Spanish, Lance thinks he's dumb, Langst, Military awards, Non canon compliant, Pidge and Shiro care So Much, Post Season 7, Tumblr Prompt, Which I am very happy for thank you very much, but just a minimal amount, happy endings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-24
Updated: 2018-09-24
Packaged: 2019-07-16 13:44:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16087304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_lovely_noodles/pseuds/The_lovely_noodles
Summary: The dumb one.Lance hates the tone in which Lloid says it, hates the flush of embarrassment and the whirl of anxiety and anger in his stomach. Veronica giggles at the joke and Lance refocuses his eyes, his skin buzzing.OrLance doesn't want to be reminded of what his teammates think of him.  Even if it is just a joke.





	Of Frosted fingers and anxious musings

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off a Tumblr prompt someone submitted to me and since Tumblr has a word limit _apparently_  
>  I have to post the rest here cause it wasn't complete. So here is the WHOLE thing! With plot and character drama and all.

The Garrison? They’re _obsessed_ with ceremony.  Lance can’t begin to tell you how many times he had to stand at attention while being awarded, Medals of Honor and silver crosses and every other award under the sun from every other country for protecting their home planet.  His feet hurt a lot, more than ever, which is curious because he’s probably spent a whole year or so fighting, running, training, all of that jazz.

He’s happy for his teammates, happy that he gets to stand next to brilliant people like this.  The more he thinks about the medals that adorn his chest, his new fancy green uniform with three golden bars on either side of his shoulders, the more he looks at his teammates and the MFE pilots in the same uniform with the same amount of medals the more he feels swathes of betrayal.  Today, they were getting the latest medal from the Japanese Government at the Garrison Base, or what was left of it since it fell and Lance can feel how excited everyone seems to be, yet he couldn’t shake the sensation of _you don’t deserve this, you didn’t work as hard_ from his chest.  

They look so happy and Lance doesn’t want to spoil the fun, they don’t seem bothered anyway about the amount of medals that jingle on their chests.  It’s a blur, getting the medals, standing straight, listening to the translation of the speech on his ear piece. Ever since Earth joined the rest of the Virgo Group, Language seems to hardly matter anymore.  Now their team is ushered into some after-party where Aliens and Humans alike are ready to celebrate Voltron’s achievements. Lance still can’t shake off the sensation, but he’s prodded by Pidge and practically dragged into the flashy ballroom.  He sees his mom, his brothers and sisters and nephew and niece across the ballroom and they all come to crowd him, his mom wrapping him in a tight hug that Lance melts in to.

“I’m so proud of you mijito!”  His mom practically wails against his chest, his older brother gives him approving smile and nod, his sisters also seem to be happy with him.  

“Thanks mom.”  Lance hums with a small smile, he looks over at the team who seem to be joined together at the party, chatting with Aliens and the MFE Pilots.  When he pulls away his nephew pulls at his blazer, shyly asks him if he can hold a medal.

“Oh my god muchachon!” Lance scoops his nephew up in his arms, the warmth in his chest soothing the edge of anxiety in his stomach, he unpins a medal and places it in Sylvio’s hand.

“You’re pretty brave too,” Lance says with a grin, “so how about I give it to you!”

The look on Sylvio’s face is one Lance wants to cherish forever. He places Sylvio back down and Veronica is suddenly in front of him, smiling.

“How about we join the others,Lance?” Veronica says and the way she says it doesn’t sound like a request.

Oh. Veronica noticed how nervous he felt and is trying to cheer him up. In her own sisterly way.

Veronica then grabs Lance’s arm and drags him to the rest of the team. They seem to be joined with a bloboid of a creature with a perpetually smiling face.

“Hey Lance, Lloid was telling us about the one hundred thousand different ways that you can fry a Bilboid egg–!”

“Lloid?” Lance raises an eyebrow at the creature and Lloid makes a short jiggle that seemed to denote laughter.

“Of course the Red Paladin wouldn’t know, Lloid is short for Craxel-i'nLloid!” Lloid gurgles again with laughter and Lance feels a hot flush of embarrassment.

“How was I supposed to know that?!” Lance seethes with a clench of his teeth. Lloid gurgles again with laughter, he then elbows Veronica with a weird slimy arm and says,

“You weren’t! But it wouldn’t be a surprise. As we know the Red Paladin is the dumb one.”

_The dumb one._

Lance hates the tone in which Lloid says it, hates the flush of embarrassment and the whirl of anxiety and anger in his stomach. Veronica giggles at the joke and Lance refocuses his eyes, his skin buzzing.

“They called you the dumb one up in space?” Veronica says with a teasing note in her voice. Lance tries to smile, tries to say anything and reassure himself that it was just teasing but his chest hurts more when Hunk joins in with Veronica,

“Aw yeah, one time Lance nearly got us trapped in an intersteller Game show!” He tells her and Veronica looks over at Lance, a mischievous expression on her face.

“Oh really?” She says and Lance doesn’t know how to play it off, he wants to defend himself- to rise up against the challenge but he’s at a loss. He makes a small uncomfortable smile.

“Well I can assure you, that Lance _is_ 100 percent dumb, you know- as his older sister and all.”

There’s a lump in Lance’s throat and there’s laughter amongst the group. Lance stares off into space, holding his breath and dizzy and trying to swallow.

Lance’s eyes blur with tears anyway. Crying is supposed to feel good, but not right now, not when the memory of seeing Shiro’s spirit flicker within Voltron, trying to connect with him rushes back like a nightmare.

“Whoa! Hey!” Veronica’s tone is trying to stay light, he knows she didn’t mean to hurt him but Lance just keeps on crying. Veronica tries to wrap an arm around his shoulders as Lance hunches over to hide and wipe his tears, but he tears away, a thousand emotions flitting through him like flashes of light.

“W-what do you know?!” Lance barks, “I know what I went through- I’m not dumb so Shut Up!”

“Lance, chill out it was just a joke,” Hunk starts, but Lance is shaking and crying and angry. He sees the medals on Hunk’s chest, sees his arms out trying to placate him, but all he could think of is Hunk joining into the banter, agreeing that he is pretty dumb. He looks down at his own chest of medals, his eyes overflowing with tears and he tears the medals off, letting them clatter to the floor. There’s a collective gasp in the ballroom- then silence and Lance turns and runs.

The desert is cool and dry that night, Lance is still running, a mixture of anger, pain and regret surfacing as he slows. So he refuses to stop running, his lungs aching, his legs hurting, his blazer becoming wrinkled and untucked. His body is begging him to stop- to see reason but Lance pushes further, forces himself to run faster even as his legs become numb and weak. He stumbles next to the foot of a rock formation- a cave, leans against its side as he catches his breath his heart thundering in his ears, sobs wrenching themselves from his chest. He turns to look into the cave, heart still pulsing and more tears form in his eyes.

_Oh_

It’s Blue’s cave. Lance stumbles inside, still trying to catch his breath from running and he finds a cave painting, touching a sigil with his fingers, disheartened when it didn’t glow like before. His eyes are heavy from crying and Lance takes a deep breath, trying to keep steady and strong and he continues deeper into the cave. He finds the opening where they fell in and he sits along the opening, eyeing the waterslide and he allows himself to slide down. The drop isn’t as bad as he thought, the initial surprise of falling worn down. He wades through the cave pond, to the giant sigil where Blue once sat. His dress shoes are waterlogged and his green Garrison issued pants are ruined. He sits on a rock, a lump in his throat.

“Why’d you pick me blue?” Lance asks in a hoarse voice, “out of every other qualified person out there you picked the Dumb One.”

His head falls into his hands, shivering from his soaked clothes.

“You know I died blue.” Lance says quietly, and more tears stream onto his nose, “I died and no-one cared. Maybe I should’ve stayed dead.”

 _But Shiro also died,_ something seems to suggest and Lance rolls his eyes.

“We all cared when Shiro died! We were so happy when he came back! People need Shiro–!” Lance stops, jaw trembling with how violently he’s shivering.

“People don’t need me.” Lance says aloud to the sigils.

 _You are the Red paladin, that’s hardly true_.

“Well–” Lance starts and he decides to have no qualms speaking to the thoughts in his brain, probably Red inserting those thoughts for him, “Well maybe I don’t wanna be a paladin! Maybe- maybe the blue lion shouldn’t have been as dumb as me when she picked me!” He spits angrily, and more tears stream down his cheeks and he makes no effort to wipe them.

“I was so dumb I couldn’t even contact Shiro in Voltron.” Lance sniffles, “even an interstellar god thinks I’m dumb.”

Wow its pretty cold in here, and his blazer is damp and retains no heat. He puffs hot breaths onto his hands as his teeth chattter and fingers go numb. The cave seems bigger than he thought, glowing with bioluminscent worms and it also seemed to have more paintings higher up. Huh. Weird. His tears are gone, replaced a feeling of blankness-exhaustion, even as there’s a panicked prodding at the back of his mind.

“Go away.” Lance slurred, “Didn’t I tell you that I didn’t want to be a paladin anymore?”

The whole cave rumbles and Lance tries to hold himself steady, but his arms and legs are too weak to move, the cave’s roof bursts open and glowing yellow light flashes upon him almost white hot.

The Black Lion is poised over the cave, roaring- loudly, angrily. Lance wants to bat away the sound, wants to close his eyes.

There’s suddenly a pair of hands around his own, the hands gently shake him to awareness.

“Stay awake.” The voice orders in a stern clipped voice and Lance blinks in the direction of the voice, emotions flowing out from under him.

“Go away.” Lance slurs again, but he doesn’t resist when the figure props his arms up, forces him to walk.

“Go away.” Lance says again, closing his eyes.

“Wake up!” The voice says again, sharper and louder this time and Lance feels a flicker of annoyance.

“Go away.” Lance repeats again, “I already said I didn’ want to be a Paladin no more.”

They’re moving up, Lance vaguely notices, but he’s too tired to care.

When he enters the Black Lion he’s being undressed and swathed in blankets.

“Lance!” A voice calls to him, he turns his head, confused, “Lance, can you hear me?”

Hm, sounds like Veronica. But she wouldn’t be here cause he’s too dumb.

He’s so warm now, maybe he can sleep.

Everything comes to him in hazy flashes, panicked screaming, the beeps of a monitor, crying and silence. When Lance comes to again he’s in a familar place, his mom and Veronica are sleeping on the chairs near his bedside. Lance twitches and theres an itch on his arm. His hand shakes when he raises it, touches the itch and ache. There’s a catheter taped to his arm, protruding out of the skin, pumping clear fluid.

Lance sits up, his fingers still shaking but his legs functional. He looks over at the catheter, and the fluid bag, then removes the clip attached to his finger.

Time to go for a walk.

Dragging the iv pump with him isn’t much of a problem, and his fingers and toes are warm enough to move and his legs feel strong. Lance sighs, a swirl of guilt rising in his chest when his memory flashes back to the medals and how they dented when they hit the ground.

“I’m not that Dumb.” Lance mumbles, his voice hoarse as he shuffles out into the hallway, there’s a sharp prod- his lion- burning bright in his brain.

“You wouldn’t believe me Red if I told you that I’m not that dumb.” Lance says. The hospital room floor is cold, the windows shine with the break of dawn. He wants to go flying, run away from the feeling of guilt in his chest.

“Hey red.” Lance prompts to the flame in the back of his head, “If I called to you to come over, would you come?”

There’s a thought that feels like a scoff. _Yeah, of course!_

The thought is cut off when he reaches the Nurses station. Shiro and Pidge are standing at the counter, Shiro is holding a vase of flowers and Pidge is holding a teddy bear. When they turn, Pidge drops the bear and the Nurse’s eyes widen.  

“Lance!” Pidge runs over to him, abandoning the bear and pulling him into a gentle hug.  Lance smiles a little, hugging back, the catheter in his arm aching and tugging.

“Hey Pidge.”  Lance says, Shiro is holding the bear and the flowers, “Hey Shiro.”  

“Why aren’t you bed?” Pidge exclaims, and Lance shrugs.

“Where am I?” Lance asks and Shiro helps Lance pull his IV pump along.  

“you got admitted to the ICU, then transferred here,”  Shiro says, and Lance looks over at him, finds that his eyes are welcoming and warm, it eases the guilt and anxiety in his chest over the medals, “You had Hypothermia.”  

 _Hypothermia._ Lance makes a sympathetic noise.  

“That means you could’ve died.” Pidge says, her arms around his waist.  Lance chuckles unintentionally, grimacing when Pidge tenses next to him.  

“Wouldn’t be the first time right?” Lance says with a small smile and there’s a ripple of surprise- shock.  

“Put, put a pin in that.” Shiro says tentatively, his voice is steady and controlled and the anxiety returns to Lance. He regrets ever mentioning it.  

When he’s near the door to his room, Veronica is down the hallway, striding and panicked.  She sees him and her expression turns hard.

“Why aren’t you in bed Lance?” She demands and their mom is close behind, looking older than ever and visibly worried.  

“I went for a walk.” Lance says stubbornly, “Found Pidge and Shiro along the way.”  

“You’re supposed to be in bed–”  Veronica starts and Lance rolls his eyes.  

“I’m fine Veronica, my legs feel fine.”  He ends up slipping into bed anyway, sitting back and clipping on the clip again.  

“So,” Lance begins, pushing away the sudden drop of silence in the room, “How long was I out?”

The silence turns uncomfortable and Pidge sighs.

“A week.” She says, “you really scared us.”

Other than the wave of discomfort that crosses the room when Lance doesn’t answer, Lance’s mom ends up breaking the silence by dragging Veronica out of her room, claiming to go on a walk.

Now Shiro and Pidge are alone.

“Where are the others?” Lance asks.

“Hunk and Keith are brooding together.” Pidge says, “I told them to stay behind.”

Lance takes a deep breath.

“What for?” He asks and Pidge rubs the back of her head sheepishly.

“Thought you wouldn’t want to see them when you woke up.”

Lance sits back, trying to fold his arms. He rolls his eyes.

“Well that’s not true.” Lance says moodily and Pidge looks even more ashamed.

“Yeah I’m sorry.”

There’s another beat of silence and Shiro clears his throat.

“So, do you want to talk to us about ‘it wouldn’t be the first time?’” Shiro asks and Pidge also looks curious and concerned. Lance raises an eyebrow.

“I thought you knew Pidge, didn’t Allura tell you?”

Pidge looks surprised, she mutely shakes her head.

“Yeah, well I died.” Lance says plainly and Shiro and Pidge grimace at the way he says it.  

“Why didn’t you tell us?”  Pidge asks and at the same time Shiro asks “What did Allura do?”  

“One at a time,”  Lance says with a short huff that’s meant to sound like a chuckle, but it doesn’t reach his face.  

“First off, Allura just sort of appeared in my Lion when it happened.  I don’t _really_ know why, but I- I do know that I was seeing a light.  I just assume she knew that I died.”

“When was this?” Pidge asks and her brow furrows in visible confusion, as if she’s wracking her brains for a memory.  

“We were defending the Omega Shield, remember?  Allura was about to get hit by that solar flare, I couldn’t just let that happen you know.”  

Lance’s stomach drops when Pidge goes ashen,  Shiro seems to sifting through his clones memories in order to find that moment, making a face that notes discomfort.  

“It wasn’t that big of a deal,” Lance continues hastily, “Allura saved me.  All I know is that I would’ve been a goner if it wasn’t for her.”

Shiro and Pidge both seem to mull it over for a second or two.  

“But why didn’t you tell anyone?”  

A flicker of shame lights in Lance’s stomach.  He lets out a short sigh.

“Didn’t think it mattered.”  

Pidge flings herself at Lance, engulfing him in a tight hug.  

Lance’s heart swells and he hugs back, pursing his lips to keep from crying again even as his hospital shirt becomes damp with her tears.  

“Oh man--” Lance starts, “Sorry I was being so dumb.”  

“I don’t think you’re dumb!” She sobs into his chest and Lance looks over at Shiro in alarm.  His eyes are rimmed with red.

“Oh no,” Lance moans, “Not you too Shiro.”  

Shiro is way bigger than Pidge and Lance, wider wider even though he’s five foot nine and he practically squishes Pidge between him and Lance in a hug.  

“Alright alright--!” Lance begins, “Shiro, you’re heavy! I think you’re suffocating Pidge--”

When Shiro  pulls away he looks even more wrecked than before, his cheeks wet with tears and Lance’s hackles raise.

“Oh no,” Lance says again, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.  Aw man Shiro-- don’t cry.”

He looks a little past Shiro, finds his mom and Veronica peeking into the room.  Shiro looks over, wiping his tears. Mom looks over at Shiro with a kind smile then pulls up the chair close to his bedside.  

“If you don’t mind us barging in.” She says, “We’d also like to have a one on one with Lance.”  

Shiro and Pidge look over at Mom and Veronica and they smile.  Shiro ruffles Lance’s hair as he gets off of the bed. Pidge gets one last squeeze in before she slides off of the bed.  Lance watches as Mom reaches up to kiss Shiro and Pidge’s cheeks, tells them thank you.

Lance looks over at Veronica whose arms are folded and looking away, purses his lips tighter when he remembers her teasing voice, but he hates the look on her expression as she stares out the window.  He knew she was joking and yet--

“I’m sorry.”  Lance blurts out to her and Veronica looks over at him, surprise flickering her face, “I didn’t mean to scare anybody.  You or Mom.”

“Are you really gonna quit being a Paladin?” Veronica asks and Lance winces.  

“You heard that?”

“Well are you?” Veronica presses.  

“No… I don’t think so.”  Lance says, “That’d be irresponsible don’t you think?”

Veronica sits back, her expression unreadable and a line of tension grows taut in Lance’s chest.  

“Do you want to be a Paladin?” Veronica asks and Lance finds himself conflicted.  

“I’ve gained so much by being a Paladin,” Lance starts, “I don’t even know if I deserve to be a Paladin.”  

Cutting through the tension, red places a hot fireball in his brain, practically melting the self doubt there, interjecting his stream.  

“I don’t think I have much of a choice.” Lance amends with a short chuckle, “Red just won’t let me go.”  

Veronica looks pensive for a brief moment, sits forward, giving Lance an intense stare.  

“Well you do deserve to be a paladin.” She says and Lance’s chest warms with her words.  

Mom gives Veronica a look, the type that Lance only remembers in his childhood.  

“And yeah, I’m sorry.  Sorry I called you dumb.” She says, “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I- I’m fine.” Lance says, his voice pitching, anxious, “I’m sorry for throwing the medals on the floor.”  

Veronica perks up,

“Oh That reminds me--” She digs into her jacket pocket, pulls out a fistful of Medals, “I should give these back to you.”  

“I- I don’t deserve them.”  Lance finds himself saying and Veronica gives him a look.  

“You’re a Paladin of Voltron.  You’ve done everything to deserve them.”  

She places the medals on Lance’s lap, Lance’s heart swells some more and he tries to throw himself at her, painfully yanking on his catheter causing his mother to yelp.  Lance feels a sharp tug on his arm and he wraps both arms around Veronica.

“Lance!” Mom practically screeches and when he pulls away his arm is smeared in blood.  Lance looks over at the catheter, finds it resting on the bed he jumped out of.

“Oh.” Lance says, “Sorry.”  

Mom practically stabs the  Call Nurse button with her finger in panic with how much blood there was.  Lance really does hope that Shiro and Pidge don’t see the Nurse rush into his room to see what the problem is.

“It’s going to be quite alright Mrs. Mcclain.”  The Nurse tries to placate as she changes the sheets, “He’ll just need to be stuck again.”  

“See mom?” Lance says, gesturing to the Nurse with his bloodied arm, “No harm no foul! I’m not gonna die.”  

Shiro and Pidge peek into the room, Lance glances over at them and sheepishly smiles.  

 

The next day Shiro and Pidge bring Hunk, Keith and Allura.  Apparently word got around that he died because Hunk is sobbing loudly and holding his hand.  

“Why didn’t you tell me you died?” Hunk wails dramatically and Lance pats him on the shoulder as he cried.  

“Acere, it’s fine! It just slipped my mind!”  Lance says and he notices how Shiro and Pidge glance at each other questioning. He’d rather not worry his friend with his insecurities thank you very much.  

“If it wasn’t for Allura I’d be gone, a complete chicken nugget alright?”  

Hunk is now hanging onto Allura, crying and thanking him and she rubs his back as he does so.  

“How did you manage to find me with the black lion anyway Keith?” Lance starts and Keith shifts in his seat, thoughtful.  

“Well, Red was kinda freaking out and you couldn’t have gone far anyway.”  Keith says, “And I was just transporting Veronica to you.”

 _Ohhh,_ so that’s who that was.   

“Blue may or may not have told me about your whereabouts Lance.” She says and Lance makes an expression of understanding.  

_Well that makes plenty of sense._

“Well… thanks.  All of you.” Lance fiddles with his fingernails, the catheter now snugly injected into his hand.  There’s a sense of blankness in his head, a stubborn sensation of comforting finality with how he looks down at his fingernails.

“Are you okay?” Hunk asks him anyway and Lance gives him a smile, choosing to stay quiet and bask in comforting silence.  Almost feels like the castle with how understanding the silence feels. The humming connection of the lions, The Atlas threads through them like a live wire.  They’re breathing all at once.

The humming is cut off abruptly when Mom pokes her head in.  Luis follows behind her and suddenly the room is extremely crowded because Luis, Marco, Rachel, Sylvio and Nadia enter.  Sylvio, weaves between the legs of the adults and crawls onto Lance’s bed next to Hunk stretching his legs out over Lance’s own.  

“I saw you break your medals.”  Sylvio says and Lance rubs the back of his neck, embarrassed.  

“Yeah,” Lance says sheepishly, “Sorry about that Buddy.”  

Sylvio reaches into his tiny jacket pocket and pulls out the perfectly smooth silver cross medal.  

“I guess you need this back.” He says and Lance gives him a hug.  

“Thank you Muchachon, but I don’t need it.” Lance says placing his hand over Sylvio’s.  

Sylvio gives an expression of surprise and puzzlement.   _Why?_ It seems to ask.  

“I have everything I need right here.”  Lance finally says and once again the silence that they sit in is comfortable and humming.  Lance’s chest is warm and the humming wire of Voltron is on standby in their minds, like an airplane ready to take off.  

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Hmu on my blog @Veltron to submit more prompts and talk to me and stuff Also hmu at Lungs-n-Langst for more Langst content uwu I get all fluttery when people think my writing is good.
> 
> Also the links are broken for some reason and I have no idea why so that's just my stuff ok? uwu


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